DISCLAIMER: CCS, not mine. It belongs
entirely to the god-like people of CLAMP, whom obviously still don’t know that
NELVANA stole and mutilated it. I can
only wait patiently for the day they find out and (as Wufei says) Justice is
served….
I probably
should’ve brought my jacket; the sun just went behind a cloud, dropping the
temperature a good ten degrees due to the cool breeze. But then, Sakura-chan had sounded so upset
on the phone; I didn’t want to waste a single minute. So I rushed out of the house and headed straight for the park,
where she had asked to meet me. Mother
was starting off on one of her Kinomoto-sensei/Nadeshiko tirades, anyways, and
every time she does, it reminds me of my own… situation. Times like these, it’s best for me to be as
far away from my house as possible.
Don't get me wrong;
I love my mother dearly, but sometimes the similarities between us are nearly
frightening. I only pray that I don’t
end up the way she did: hating Li-kun the rest of my life, while secretly
pining over somebody I could never have.
But…I’m different from my mother.
After all, I helped set the two of them up in the first place. I’m truly happy for them, really I am. Don’t I always say that Sakura-chan’s
happiness is my happiness? I mean it,
and repeat the phrase often…
…but is that
because I’m just trying to convince myself?
No. I’m serious. They were destined to be together. It was meant to be….
Sighing, I collapse
right in the middle of, underneath one of the large Cherry Blossom trees. My mind wanders as I absentmindedly stare
out into space. The truth? I’m in denial. I miss the old days when it was just me, Sakura, and my camera
following her every kawaii move.
Sometimes…sometimes, I almost wish Li-kun had never come to
Tomoeda. I know it’s selfish, but I
just can’t help it. Am I destined to
face the same fate as my mother?
Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
“Tomoyo-chan!” A
voice I’d recognize anywhere pulls me out of my musings. Looking upward through the gentle downfall
of Sakura blossoms gravity pulls from the tree, I see the most beautiful of
all. She rushes towards me, her
light-brown hair blowing slightly in the chilly air. I barely have time to stand back up before Sakura-chan engulfs me
in a tight embrace, forcing me to lean against the tall tree so as not to fall.
As quickly as she
moved, the fact that something was amiss didn’t pass by me. Pulling her away, I can see fresh tears
brimming her emerald eyes, soon to join the streaks already trailing down her
cheeks. “Sakura-chan, what’s wrong?” I ask, fearing the worst. I instantly relax when I see her smile through
the tears, and motion for the two of us to sit back down again.
“Nothing’s wrong,
Tomoyo-chan,” she begins, wiping her eyes as she talks, “I’m probably making
this into a bigger deal than it really is, but I just needed to talk to you.”
Sakura-chan and I are alone, sitting under the Cherry Blossom Tree (which
continued a light downpour of petals even as I speak), just the two of us…it
almost felt like old times. Not
bothering to ponder just why exactly the park was so desolate this time of day,
I’d almost have cherished the moment if Sakura-chan hadn’t still been crying.
There's no one here
[there's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
My fingers slowly
find their way to her cheeks, wiping away the tears trickling down them as I
smile, encouraging Sakura-chan that whatever it is, she can tell me.
“Well,” she began,
“I was over at Syaoran’s house, because he was expecting a call from his mother
and wanted me to be there. She said
there was something important she needed to talk about with the two of us.” She
paused briefly, hiccupping in the silence before continuing. “She wants Syaoran
to return to Hong Kong so he can continue his training. With the cards captured, transformed, and
sealed, she doesn’t feel there’s any more reason for him to stay in Japan…” as
her voice trails off, she looks downward, almost guiltily. Why, I’m not sure exactly.
“Oh, Sakura-chan…is
that what’s bothering you? Li-kun’s
left before, but he always comes back.
You know that nothing would keep him away from you for long.” To my
surprise, I find myself smiling at the words.
In all honesty, there’s no one in the world that’d I trust my
Sakura-chan with more than Li Syaoran…
“That’s not it.”
Sakura-chan interrupts my train of thought, refusing to look me in the
eye. She stares directly at the ground
as she continues her next words: “They want me to return with him…because of
the Clo— Sakura cards. Even if Syaoran
isn’t the rightful card captor, they still want the cards under the Li family
jurisdiction, and the only way is…”
“…for you to live
at the Li palace.” I finish her sentence, every word echoing in my head as if
it were all a dream.
I go numb—there’s
no other way to put it. She may not
have realized it, but I knew that there would be only one reason why the Li
clan was offering to train her…no matter how badly I try to deny the fact. Sakura-chan’s leaving me, and it’s all
Li-kun’s fault… No! I refuse to think
like that. But, why can’t I feel
anything; sadness…hatred…happiness for Sakura-chan? On the outside, I can only smile comfortingly. But on the inside…nothing.
Sakura-chan finally
looks upward and meets me eye-to-eye. I
can see her crying, see how confused and upset she must be. Any dread of her leaving in my heart is
instantly replaced with empathy for what she’s feeling at this very moment. “They’re
not forcing me to go; I get the final say…but I don’t know what *to* say. I’d really love to go and live with
Syaoran’s family in Hong Kong, be able to train to use my magic properly…but I
don’t want to leave Tomoeda. Or
you…Tomoyo-chan, if I left, I’d miss you too much. You’re my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[one lonely star you don't know who you are]
She had no idea how
much that one sentence means to me. I
can still remember the first time we met, as classmates…the eraser she gave to
me as a token of her kindness still sits in my tiny box at home, along with the
bouquet mother kept from Nadeshiko’s wedding long ago. I value Sakura-chan’s friendship more than
anything in the entire world; it pains me deeply to even have to consider what
it would be like if she left.
Somehow, I hear my
voice saying, “If I’m the only reason why you’d choose to stay, then
don’t. I can tell how much you want to
go, Sakura-chan. It’s where your heart
is, and you should always follow your heart.”
“But, Tomoyo-chan…”
she starts, before I interrupt her.
“Believe me,
Sakura-chan; nothing in the world would make me happier than knowing you were
happy. Hong Kong is where you’ll be
happy, whether you realize it or not.”
What am I doing? My mouth is
going on autopilot, I have no control…but then why don’t I regret every word
coming out of it?
Sakura-chan looks
at me for a moment, before smiling softly.
Seeing her face brighten up, and knowing that I was the cause, only
makes me happier.
“I do want to go,
so badly it almost frightens me. I
don’t even care what onnichan thinks, I want to go.” Tilting her head to the
side a big, she whispers, “Thank you, Tomoyo.”
I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
I vaguely wonder if
Sakura-chan understands what I mean exactly when I say her happiness is my
happiness. In many ways, such as magic,
she’s more mature than anyone would ever believe, but in others…she’s so
innocent and naïve. It’s one of the
things people find so charming about her, and it’s also reasons like this that
she doesn’t always realize everything that goes on around her. I recall saying that I’d tell her some day,
when she was older…but I guess I was too late.
It’s probably for the best that she doesn’t know….
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Smiling, her eyes
already nearly dry, Sakura-chan stands up, still leaning against the trunk of
the tree much as I had done moments before.
I must have appeared quite distant at the moment to her, because I next
her heard suggesting we head over to the park swings. “After all, I’m not gone yet…there’s no reason why we still can’t
have some fun.” I barely get a word in
before she sprints off in the direction of the playground.
Watching her go, I
can’t help but shake my head and smile.
No matter what, Sakura-chan will always be Sakura-chan. Shouting at her to wait up, I head off in
the same direction.
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
By the time I reach
the swing set, Sakura-chan is already seated, giggling a little as she pumps
her legs to move. Watching her for a
moment, I recall the last time I saw her sitting on that very swing…
Mei Ling and Li-kun had just run into us
(literally) at the Carnival, and we had all walked over to the swing set. Sakura-chan and Mei Ling had each sat down
on a swing, as Mei Ling told her that they were visiting from Hong Kong for a
while, and whispered in confidentiality that she had broken off her engagement
with Li-kun because he loved someone else…because he loved, no, loves Sakura-chan. Now I remember; that was where the plan Mei
Ling and I had concocted to get Sakura-chan to admit her feelings had
begun.
“Tomoyo-chan, will
you push me?” Sakura-chan speaks up, once again bringing me out of my
thoughts. She looks up at me, her eyes
pleading like a little child asking for candy would. I can’t help but laugh; she’s such a child, full of live and
innocence
Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
The world around me
seems to stop completely as I slowly push her on the swing, back and forth,
with care. Lightly, I grab hold of the
chain, my fingers briefly brushing against hers, as I hold it tight, pull it
towards me, then push it away again.
Back and forth…back and forth…and along with it, Sakura-chan. Each time I push her away, she always
returns…
My mind vaguely
registers the fact that the time will come when I’m going to push and she won’t
come back, but I push that thought deep down as I try to live in the moment,
Sakura-chan’s occasional giggling and the creaking of the swing chain signaling
that it needs to be oiled the only sounds to be heard in the otherwise serene
hush in the air.
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[one lonely star and you don't know who you are]
I can see through
the smile, Sakura-chan. You can laugh
and pretend that nothing’s different…kami knows I’ve certainly tried…but deep
down, you’re still worried. I’ve got to
give you credit, were I anyone else, I might have been fooled.
“Wanna switch for a
little while, Tomoyo-chan?” Sakura asks while in mid-air, “I can push you on
the swing.”
I smile. “Okay.”
Holding tightly to the chain, I manage to slow her down long enough for her to
jump off. Getting on the swing, I can
feel Sakura-chan’s hands on my back as she pushes me forward. I fly through the air freely, only to return
to her moments later so the process can repeat itself over again.
I’ve always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you’ve always known it’s true [you know it’s true]
I can’t help but
suddenly get a burst of inspiration in the moment. I probably startled Sakuta-chan, skidding to a stop on the swing,
a far-off look in my eyes. I know it’s
there, because I’ve heard both Sakura-chan and Li-kun nervously laugh every
time I’m “inspired”—just as I probably do now.
“I know that look,
Tomoyo-chan. What are you planning?”
She holds onto the chains of the swing to steady them as I abruptly get up
As I turn around,
it’s all I can do not to laugh at the priceless expression on her face. She didn’t even have to ask; she *knew* what
was coming: “Watching you and Li-kun take off from the airport would make a wonderful
video! I can see it now—I’ll call it
‘Sakura-chan’s farewell.’ I’ve even got
a great idea for a costume…”
“H-hoe…”
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
You’re blushing,
Sakura-chan…how kawaii! Oh, if only I
had my camera with me. Where’d I leave
that thing, anyways?
All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
I have no
magic. None, whatsoever…I wasn’t able
to help you in any card capturing, but I made sure I was able to do
something. To me, it was an
adventure…an exciting experience destined for film, with Sakura-chan as the
star. Li-kun was always in the
background, and I was behind the scenes; Kero-chan would simply be the
encourager…
I played each
adventure like a movie. I’ll admit it;
I’m a dreamer—I live life outside of reality, where everything’s perfect,
everything goes exactly the way you want it to. The world is my stage, Sakura, the star, and me, the director…
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[you'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart
Suddenly, right in
the middle of my scheming, Sakura-chan just starts to laugh. I stop mid-sentence and turn around, to find
her nearly in hysterics.
“Now this is the
Tomoyo-chan I know.” She says between giggle fits. “You were making me nervous
there for a while, acting so grim.” For
some reason, I find myself joining in the laughter. Moments like this are rare these days, and I treasure every
second of them.
“Does this mean
you’ll wear the costume for me?”
Sighing in defeat, yet with a smile on her face, she agrees. I’ve already got the perfect idea; a cross
between Chinese and Japanese. I still
remember the last time we visited China together, the beautiful Chinese dress
you wore…it was so simple, and yet it suited you just perfectly. I also remember the pink kinomo you wore one
year at that festival…
Smiling, I realize
that you’d look beautiful to me no matter what you’d wear. But that’s not going to stop me from
creating new, original costumes for you every chance I get; I once told
Kero-chan that I prefer to live my life not regretting a single moment of it,
and how simple things like playing dress-up with Sakura-chan as my doll is all
I really need to make myself happy
Now what am I going
to do with all those clothes when you leave me, Sakura-chan?
I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
“Tomoyo-chan,
you’re shaking! Why don’t you have a
jacket on?” A worried expression takes up her face, as I realize for the first
time just how cool the evening air got to be.
Indeed, my body was shivering in the slightest with every gust of
wind.
Wrapping my arms
around myself to try and warm up a bit, I sheepishly respond, “I was worried
about you when you called, and forgot to grab one on the way home.”
Shaking her head
authoritively, Sakura carefully unzipped her jacket, revealing a warm sweater
underneath, and handed it to me.
Thanking her graciously, I accept the gift and hurriedly wrap the pink
windbreaker around my shoulders. It
smells faintly of strawberry, her signature scent.
“Thanks,
Sakura-chan,” I wrap her in a tight hug, tears already starting to fall, “I’m
going to miss you when you leave.”
“I’ll miss you,
too, Tomoyo-chan…but we can always write to one another, and even visit.” No
sooner do the words leave her mouth, than I open my eyes and see a figure
heading towards us. Squinting my eyes
in the dim light (the sun has long since vanished from view), I can see
Li-kun’s trademark unruly, brown hair…
Reluctantly, I pull
away from Sakura-chan so she can spot him.
I watch her whole face light up the instant he falls into her line of
view. “Shouldn’t you tell him?” Once
again, my mouth moves on its own about two seconds quicker than my mind can
register. Squeezing my hands briefly in
gratitude, she merely nods in response before heading over to meet him halfway.
I’ve always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you’ve always known it’s true [you know it’s true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
As I watch Sakura-chan run up to him,
catching in a giant hug, I slowly sit back down on the swing, clutching the
chains for support. I watch as she
tells him the news, and he takes it with a giant smile reserved for no one but
Sakura-chan, pulling her into an embrace once more.
Leaning against the
right chain, I close my eyes, preparing for the tears I knew were about to
come. I waited and waited…but,
nothing. Opening my eyes once more in
surprise, I vaguely watch out of the corner of my eye as the two of them walk
off together…
And I smile.
I don’t feel
sad…angry…or even numb. I
feel…happy. Truly happy, for both
Sakura-chan and Li-kun. And in that
moment, I realize that I’m *not* like my mother at all. In fact, we’re worlds apart, because unlike
her, I can say goodbye. While mother’s
doomed to live in the past forever, I can move on and be happy.
But first thing’s
first; I’d better start on that farewell dress of hers right away!
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Goodbye,
Sakura-chan; I love you, and I’ll miss you…
Say good-bye....
~*~FINE~*~
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